Height-2.5 meters (tall)
A Quote-What Would Bossk Do (WWBD?) On his wristband
Description-Zorg look good.
Blaster: 7D, Brawling Parry:, Dodge:, Running: , Melee Combat:, Missile Weapons:, Sklar (Projectile vomit attack): 4D+2
Cultures:, Planetary Systems: 2D, Law Enforcement: 2D, Streetwise: 3D, Alien Species: 2D, Intimidation: 6D, Languages: 2D, Survival: 2D
Astrogation:, Starship Shields:, Space Transports: 5D, Beast Riding:, Sensors:, Communications:, Repulsorlift Ops.: 4D
Bargain, Con, Command, Investigation, Hide, Search: 3D, Sneak, Persuasion: as a Bossk Prophet: 3D, Willpower: 3D
Brawling: 7D, Swimming, Lifting, Climb/jump, Stamina
Computer Program/Repair:, Droid Prog./Repair: 3D, Starship Repair, Starship Weapon Repair:, First Aid:, Security:, Blaster Repair: 5D, A-Blaster Engineering: 4D
Evil Bossk Points-0
Lesser Bossk Points-12
Infrared Vision, Hostility: +1D to intimidations rolls, Clumsy-2D to precise tasks.
Heavy Blaster Pistol, Hold-out Blaster Pistol, Blaster Pistol, 2 knives, Riot Gun (8D Damage: Concealable), Shotgun (4D+2), Flamethrower, 3 grenades, 1 thermal detonator, 1 Jetpack, 1 'Alderanian medal of freedom' medal with chew marks, 1 'WWBD' wrist band (What Would Bossk Do) and the R2 unit designated R2-BSK.
Excerpts from 'Zorg, a leaders rise and fall: A look back at the Bosskite movement' by Fes Malar, reprinted with permission from the great publishing houses of Ursa Minor. (Publishers of the Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy...)
Exclusive Galactic Times Interview with Zorg the Trandoshan
by Fes Malar
CORUSCANT - I recently had a chance to sit down for an interview with Zorg the Trandoshan, head of the new Cult of Bossk that seems to have sprung up everywhere in the galaxy after this yearís Bismalpalooza.
ďNot cult,Ē Zorg says in a voice that borders between a growl and a groan. ďMovement.Ē
ďOK,Ē I reply, ďso tell me more about Bosskís Movement.Ē
Editorís note: What follows is a transcript of my chat with Zorg. Future notes as well as translations of the more obscure Trandoshan terms have been included in brackets .
Me: So Zorg, what are you trying to do with Bosskís Movement.
Zorg: I want tell truth about the Mighty Bossk. Him greatest bounty hunter ever.
Me: I though Boba Fett held that honor.
Zorg: Bah! Booboo Fett not fit to serve Bossk dinner! Damn him and damn all Fetts! Die Fetts!
Me: OK, OK, calm down big guy. So why donít you tell me some more about yourself and what started this obsess--- er, dedication to Bossk and the truth. Start with your childhood.
Zorg: Zorg have good childhood. He live in nice warm burrow on Trandosha and he have---
Me: Err, donít you mean Kashyyyk?>
Me: Uh, no, I didnít sneeze. Donít you mean you grew up on the planet Kashyyyk?
Zorg: No. Zorg grow up on Trandosha.
Me: Wait, let me just make sure weíre on the same page here. You came from the forest planet home of the Wookies, right?
Zorg: Yes. There are Wookies that live in trees on Trandosha.
Me: I see. Just making sure.
Zorg: Good. So, Zorg live in nice warm burrow. Zorg youngest of fifteen hatchlings. Zorgís mother is good strong woman who tends burrow. Make Rorchek better than anyone!
[For those readers who do not know what Rorchek is, count yourself fortunate]
Zorg: Zorgís father had good Imperial job working as a [Wookie wrangler]. Father not like Zorg for some reason. He always make Zorg work hardest. Beat Zorg on head when he was mad.
Me: How sad.
Zorg: It not affect me much. So, father lose job after rebels take over. Then we not eat so good. That when big problems start.
Me: What sort of problems?
Zorg: Well, Zorg about five years old at the time. Father hungry so he plan to eat all hatchlings and then eat mate. Zorg understand that. What else you do when you hungry? That when great thing happen. That when Zorg meet the Mighty Bossk.
Me: Really. How did that come about?
Zorg: Zorgís mother not want to be eaten so she call Bossk for help. Now, everyone know Bossk is greatest bounty hunter ever in galaxy but father always hate Bossk. Zorg later find out that mother and the Mighty Bossk were [highschool sweethearts]. Bossk come in ship, Hound's-tooth and challenge father to a Sklar [projectile vomiting] duel. Bossk wins duel and then he eat father.
Me: So Bossk came to defend your motherís honor and then he. . . ate. . . your father?
Me: Is that normal among Trandoshans?
Zorg: What you mean?
Me: Nevermind. So what happened next?
Zorg: When Bossk done eating father, he still hungry so he ate all fourteen of Zorgís brothers and sisters.
Me: Thatís horrible!
Zorg: No, no. Trandoshan meat not so bad as long as you pour sauce on it. Plus Bossk eat plenty of Pudag with it.
Me: Excuse me. Pudag? I donít believe I am familiar with the term.
Zorg: You know, Pudag. The dessert. It soft and brown and comes from sky like rain. It collect in piles on ground. Sometimes it have nuts or berries or corn in it. Zorg like corn kind best. Taste real good.
[Curious about this dessert phenomenon, I did some research. Zorg said Pudag rain fell only in certain places on Trando---err, Kashyyyk. Later, I marked these locations on a map of the planet and discovered that they roughly corresponded with the locations of several of the larger Wookie villages. Even so, I was unable to discover any mention of Pudag outside of Trandoshan holiday recipes and its origin still remains a mystery to me.]
Me: So how did you survive Bosskís hunger?
Zorg: Well, Bossk came to me and he was so stuffed full of other hatchlings and Pudag, he say, ďI canít eat you, Zorg. That would just be eating to eat.Ē Zorg never forget that day. The day Zorg was chosen by Bossk.
Me: You think Bossk chose you?
Zorg: Well, Zorg was only one left so the Mighty Bossk chose not to eat him. Now Zorg want to be great bounty hunter just like him.
Me: I see. So then what happened.
Zorg: Well, Bossk spend some time with Zorgís mother and then he leave in ship and go catch Han Solo for Jabba and put him in cargo--. . .carbin--. . .that cold, black square stuff.
Me: Carbonite. But, I thought it was Boba Fett that captured Han Solo
Zorg: Lies! Damn Fett lies!
Me: You think Boba is lying?
Zorg: Zorg know Booboo is lying! Just dig up Sarlaac. You see Bosskís bones are inside.
Me: Dig up the All Powerful Sarlaac on Tattooine? I donít think the Dune Sea Tourism Commission would approve of that.
Zorg: Well then, I tell you how else we know damn Booboo Fett a liar. Anyone ever escape from Sarlaac?
Me: Not that I know of.
Zorg: So how Booboo still running around now? He supposed to have fallen in and died. The truth. He was not even there. It was Bossk that got pushed in after mighty battle with Solo and Skywalker Jedi.
Me: Hmmn, that is an interesting thought. Obviously Boba Fett couldnít be alive now if he had fallen into the Sarlaac.
Zorg: But he is alive. Zorg fight him on Bespin. Challenge him to Sklar duel but he run away like coward! Then friend Ash and friend TC blow up his ship Slave I. Hahaha!
Me: I wasnít aware of that. Speaking of which, tell me more about your new friends.
Zorg: Ah, well we all help save Republic. See this.
[Zorg pulled out his Alderaanian Freedom Medal which is the highest honor that can be bestowed upon non-military personnel. It was a bit worn around the edges and gnawed as if someone had tried to eat on it, but it appeared to be authentic.]
Me: Thatís pretty impressive. So what about the leader of your group, the enigmatic character known to most people only as Ash.
Zorg: Ah, Ash a good man. He have lots of females everywhere we go. He talk a lot and use big words and people like him. He hates Empire. He surprise Zorg because Zorg wanted to use weapon against Empire but Ash said if we did we would become the Empire. Zorg not really understand that. Zorg never fit into white stormtrooper uniform. But Zorg respect Ash so he not try to use weapon.
[After fifteen minutes of trying unsuccessfully to pronounce the name I believe the ďweaponĒ Zorg was referring to are the alien entities known as xenomorphs.]
Me: What about this TC? I donít know much about him.
Zorg: Oh, he good, good friend. Made of metal and wires. Not good to eat. He help Zorg spread the word of Bosskís Movement. He good at writing and using technical things and Wookie beating. He have tough ass.
Me: How about this Tu?
Zorg: The Twiílek? He good man too. Good fighter especially when wearing metal suit. Buzz, buzz. That him when he walk.
[I was under the impression that Tu was a Nautilan, but I could be wrong.]
Me: Master Kae Caballa?
Zorg: He a Jedi. More stronger and powerful than anyone in galaxy. Except maybe Bossk. Kae a good friend. Zorg meet him and Drex first on cruise liner. They help Zorg with tummy ache.
Me: What else can you say about his pupil, Drex Mar?
Zorg: He Jedi too. He getting good too. Soon he be better than Kae and have to kill him to take his place. Zorg be sorry to see Kae go.
Me: Hmmn, Iím not really sure the Jedi work that way. What about this Master Boggins?
Zorg: Not know him much. He a Jedi too. Lot of Jedis with us. He have school and books. Zorg has talked to him about publishing the truth about Bossk. Maybe he teach about Bossk in his school too. That would be good.
Zorg: Not know him much either. He fight good. Do pushups and work out a lot. Knows a lot. Is fast---can be in many places at once. Needs to eat more though.
Zorg: Ah, now that good woman. Strong, tough, like Zorgís own mother. Eat Rorchek with Zorg. She is good mate to Ash. Has good strong hips. Will lay many eggs for Ash but he maybe should keep her home more. Too dangerous in galaxy, especially since she have hatchling on the way now.
Me: Sheís pregnant. Well, thatís news to me. Itchy?
Zorg: Grrr. He a Wookie. Ash keep him on ship as guard Wookie but let him run free. Him friend to Ash so Zorg not kill. Anyway, his pelt full of bugs and he scratch a lot so not make good trophy.
Me: Now I have to ask, given your hatred of Fetts, how is it that you are traveling with one.
Zorg: You mean Kindo? Him really not such a bad damn Fett. He fight good and he help Zorg organ--. . .orgiz---. . .get other people together to talk about Bossk.
Me: So you donít really hate all Fetts then?
Zorg: Zorg used to hate all damn Fetts and want to kill them all but there just too many damn Fetts! You saw battle in Senate. Fetts flying everywhere. Make Zorgís head hurt. Where all these damn Fetts come from?! Now Zorg think maybe only Booboo damn Fett needs to be killed.
Me: So you want to kill Boba Fett.
Zorg: Yes. Unless he admit Bossk was greatest bounty hunter and caught Solo like is the truth. Then the truth about Bossk can get out there and all people know him the greatest! All will praise the Mighty Bossk!
After that declaration, Zorg informed me he was hungry. I wisely decided to end the interview as he had alternately been staring at my pet goldfish and my pet cat, licking his scaly lips for some time.
Will the truth about Bosskís role during the rebellion ever become clear? Who can say? But one thing this reporter knows for certain is that Bosskites and the organization known as Bosskís Movement (or B.M. for short) is here to stay.
This is Fes Malar reporter for the Galactic Times, signing off.
(And the final words of Zorg...)