Zorg

Created by Peter C. Spahn


Template-Bounty Hunter
Sex-Male
Species-Trandoshan
Height-2.5 meters (tall)
Weight-Heavy
Age-unknown
A Quote-What Would Bossk Do (WWBD?) On his wristband
Description-Zorg look good.

Dexterity: 4D+1
Blaster: 7D, Brawling Parry:, Dodge:, Running: , Melee Combat:, Missile Weapons:, Sklar (Projectile vomit attack): 4D+2

Knowledge: 1D
Cultures:, Planetary Systems: 2D, Law Enforcement: 2D, Streetwise: 3D, Alien Species: 2D, Intimidation: 6D, Languages: 2D, Survival: 2D

Mechanical: 3D
Astrogation:, Starship Shields:, Space Transports: 5D, Beast Riding:, Sensors:, Communications:, Repulsorlift Ops.: 4D

Perception: 2D+1
Bargain, Con, Command, Investigation, Hide, Search: 3D, Sneak, Persuasion: as a Bossk Prophet: 3D, Willpower: 3D

Strength: 5D
Brawling: 7D, Swimming, Lifting, Climb/jump, Stamina

Technical: 2D+2
Computer Program/Repair:, Droid Prog./Repair: 3D, Starship Repair, Starship Weapon Repair:, First Aid:, Security:, Blaster Repair: 5D, A-Blaster Engineering: 4D

Bossk Sen.?-Huh?
Bossk Points-2
Evil Bossk Points-0
Lesser Bossk Points-12
Move-8

Special Abilities:
Infrared Vision, Hostility: +1D to intimidations rolls, Clumsy-2D to precise tasks.

Equipment:
Heavy Blaster Pistol, Hold-out Blaster Pistol, Blaster Pistol, 2 knives, Riot Gun (8D Damage: Concealable), Shotgun (4D+2), Flamethrower, 3 grenades, 1 thermal detonator, 1 Jetpack, 1 'Alderanian medal of freedom' medal with chew marks, 1 'WWBD' wrist band (What Would Bossk Do) and the R2 unit designated R2-BSK.


Excerpts from 'Zorg, a leaders rise and fall: A look back at the Bosskite movement' by Fes Malar, reprinted with permission from the great publishing houses of Ursa Minor. (Publishers of the Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy...)

Exclusive Galactic Times Interview with Zorg the Trandoshan

by Fes Malar 

CORUSCANT - I recently had a chance to sit down for an interview with Zorg the Trandoshan, head of the new Cult of Bossk that seems to have sprung up everywhere in the galaxy after this yearís Bismalpalooza.

ďNot cult,Ē Zorg says in a voice that borders between a growl and a groan.  ďMovement.Ē

ďOK,Ē I reply, ďso tell me more about Bosskís Movement.Ē

Editorís note:  What follows is a transcript of my chat with Zorg.  Future notes as well as translations of the more obscure Trandoshan terms have been included in brackets []. 

Me:  So Zorg, what are you trying to do with Bosskís Movement. 

Zorg:  I want tell truth about the Mighty Bossk.  Him greatest bounty hunter ever. 

Me:  I though Boba Fett held that honor.

Zorg:  Bah!  Booboo Fett not fit to serve Bossk dinner!  Damn him and damn all Fetts!  Die Fetts!

Me:  OK, OK, calm down big guy.  So why donít you tell me some more about yourself and what started this obsess--- er, dedication to Bossk and the truth.  Start with your childhood.

Zorg:  Zorg have good childhood.  He live in nice warm burrow on Trandosha and he have---

Me:  Err, donít you mean Kashyyyk?>

Zorg: [Gezhuntite]!

Me:  Uh, no, I didnít sneeze.  Donít you mean you grew up on the planet Kashyyyk?

Zorg:  No.  Zorg grow up on Trandosha.

Me:  Wait, let me just make sure weíre on the same page here.  You came from the forest planet home of the Wookies, right?

Zorg:  Yes.  There are Wookies that live in trees on Trandosha. 

Me:  I see.  Just making sure. 

Zorg:  Good.  So, Zorg live in nice warm burrow.  Zorg youngest of fifteen hatchlings.  Zorgís mother is good strong woman who tends burrow.  Make Rorchek better than anyone! 

[For those readers who do not know what Rorchek is, count yourself fortunate]

Zorg:  Zorgís father had good Imperial job working as a [Wookie wrangler].  Father not like Zorg for some reason.  He always make Zorg work hardest.  Beat Zorg on head when he was mad. 

Me:  How sad. 

Zorg:  It not affect me much.  So, father lose job after rebels take over.  Then we not eat so good.  That when big problems start.  

Me:  What sort of problems?

Zorg:  Well, Zorg about five years old at the time.  Father hungry so he plan to eat all hatchlings and then eat mate.  Zorg understand that.  What else you do when you hungry?  That when great thing happen.  That when Zorg meet the Mighty Bossk.

Me:  Really.  How did that come about?

Zorg:  Zorgís mother not want to be eaten so she call Bossk for help.  Now, everyone know Bossk is greatest bounty hunter ever in galaxy but father always hate Bossk.  Zorg later find out that mother and the Mighty Bossk were [highschool sweethearts].  Bossk come in ship, Hound's-tooth and challenge father to a Sklar [projectile vomiting] duel.  Bossk wins duel and then he eat father.  

Me:  So Bossk came to defend your motherís honor and then he. . . ate. . . your father?

Zorg:  Yes.

Me:  Is that normal among Trandoshans?

Zorg:  What you mean?

Me:  Nevermind.  So what happened next?

Zorg:  When Bossk done eating father, he still hungry so he ate all fourteen of Zorgís brothers and sisters. 

Me:  Thatís horrible!

Zorg:  No, no.  Trandoshan meat not so bad as long as you pour sauce on it.  Plus Bossk eat plenty of Pudag with it. 

Me:  Excuse me.  Pudag?  I donít believe I am familiar with the term. 

Zorg:  You know, Pudag.  The dessert.  It soft and brown and comes from sky like rain.  It collect in piles on ground.  Sometimes it have nuts or berries or corn in it.  Zorg like corn kind best.  Taste real good.

[Curious about this dessert phenomenon, I did some research.  Zorg said Pudag rain fell only in certain places on Trando---err, Kashyyyk.  Later, I marked these locations on a map of the planet and discovered that they roughly corresponded with the locations of several of the larger Wookie villages.  Even so, I was unable to discover any mention of Pudag outside of Trandoshan holiday recipes and its origin still remains a mystery to me.]

Me:  So how did you survive Bosskís hunger?

Zorg:  Well, Bossk came to me and he was so stuffed full of other hatchlings and Pudag, he say, ďI canít eat you, Zorg.  That would just be eating to eat.Ē  Zorg never forget that day.  The day Zorg was chosen by Bossk.

Me:  You think Bossk chose you?

Zorg:  Well, Zorg was only one left so the Mighty Bossk chose not to eat him.  Now Zorg want to be great bounty hunter just like him. 

Me:  I see.  So then what happened.

Zorg:  Well, Bossk spend some time with Zorgís mother and then he leave in ship and go catch Han Solo for Jabba and put him in cargo--. . .carbin--. . .that cold, black square stuff.

Me:  Carbonite.  But, I thought it was Boba Fett that captured Han Solo

Zorg:  Lies!  Damn Fett lies!

Me:  You think Boba is lying?

Zorg:  Zorg know Booboo is lying!  Just dig up Sarlaac.  You see Bosskís bones are inside. 

Me:  Dig up the All Powerful Sarlaac on Tattooine?  I donít think the Dune Sea Tourism Commission would approve of that.

Zorg:  Well then, I tell you how else we know damn Booboo Fett a liar.  Anyone ever escape from Sarlaac? 

Me:  Not that I know of.

Zorg:  So how Booboo still running around now?  He supposed to have fallen in and died.  The truth.  He was not even there.  It was Bossk that got pushed in after mighty battle with Solo and Skywalker Jedi. 

Me:  Hmmn, that is an interesting thought.   Obviously Boba Fett couldnít be alive now if he had fallen into the Sarlaac.

Zorg:  But he is alive.  Zorg fight him on Bespin.  Challenge him to Sklar duel but he run away like coward!  Then friend Ash and friend TC blow up his ship Slave I.  Hahaha!

Me:  I wasnít aware of that.  Speaking of which, tell me more about your new friends. 

Zorg:  Ah, well we all help save Republic.  See this.

[Zorg pulled out his Alderaanian Freedom Medal which is the highest honor that can be bestowed upon non-military personnel.  It was a bit worn around the edges and gnawed as if someone had tried to eat on it, but it appeared to be authentic.]

Me:  Thatís pretty impressive.  So what about the leader of your group, the enigmatic character known to most people only as Ash. 

Zorg:  Ah, Ash a good man.  He have lots of females everywhere we go.  He talk a lot and use big words and people like him.  He hates Empire.  He surprise Zorg because Zorg wanted to use weapon against Empire but Ash said if we did we would become the Empire.  Zorg not really understand that.  Zorg never fit into white stormtrooper uniform.  But Zorg respect Ash so he not try to use weapon. 

[After fifteen minutes of trying unsuccessfully to pronounce the name I believe the ďweaponĒ Zorg was referring to are the alien entities known as xenomorphs.]

Me:  What about this TC?  I donít know much about him.

Zorg:  Oh, he good, good friend.  Made of metal and wires.  Not good to eat.  He help Zorg spread the word of Bosskís Movement.  He good at writing and using technical things and Wookie beating.  He have tough ass. 

Me:  How about this Tu?

Zorg:  The Twiílek?  He good man too.  Good fighter especially when wearing metal suit.  Buzz, buzz.  That him when he walk. 

[I was under the impression that Tu was a Nautilan, but I could be wrong.]

Me: Master Kae Caballa?

Zorg:  He a Jedi.  More stronger and powerful than anyone in galaxy.  Except maybe Bossk.  Kae a good friend.  Zorg meet him and Drex first on cruise liner.  They help Zorg with tummy ache. 

Me:  What else can you say about his pupil, Drex Mar?

Zorg:  He Jedi too.  He getting good too.  Soon he be better than Kae and have to kill him to take his place.  Zorg be sorry to see Kae go.

Me:  Hmmn, Iím not really sure the Jedi work that way.  What about this Master Boggins?

Zorg:  Not know him much.  He a Jedi too.  Lot of Jedis with us.  He have school and books.  Zorg has talked to him about publishing the truth about Bossk.  Maybe he teach about Bossk in his school too.  That would be good.

Me:  Dinnen?

Zorg:  Not know him much either.  He fight good.  Do pushups and work out a lot.  Knows a lot.  Is fast---can be in many places at once.  Needs to eat more though. 

Me:  Xam?

Zorg:  Ah, now that good woman.  Strong, tough, like Zorgís own mother.  Eat Rorchek with Zorg.  She is good mate to Ash.  Has good strong hips.  Will lay many eggs for Ash but he maybe should keep her home more.  Too dangerous in galaxy, especially since she have hatchling on the way now. 

Me:  Sheís pregnant.  Well, thatís news to me.  Itchy?

Zorg:  Grrr.  He a Wookie.  Ash keep him on ship as guard Wookie but let him run free.  Him friend to Ash so Zorg not kill.  Anyway, his pelt full of bugs and he scratch a lot so not make good trophy.

Me:  Now I have to ask, given your hatred of Fetts, how is it that you are traveling with one. 

Zorg:  You mean Kindo?  Him really not such a bad damn Fett.  He fight good and he help Zorg organ--. . .orgiz---. . .get other people together to talk about Bossk.

Me:  So you donít really hate all Fetts then?

Zorg:  Zorg used to hate all damn Fetts and want to kill them all but there just too many damn Fetts!  You saw battle in Senate.  Fetts flying everywhere.  Make Zorgís head hurt.  Where all these damn Fetts come from?!  Now Zorg think maybe only Booboo damn Fett needs to be killed.

Me:  So you want to kill Boba Fett.

Zorg:  Yes.  Unless he admit Bossk was greatest bounty hunter and caught Solo like is the truth.  Then the truth about Bossk can get out there and all people know him the greatest!  All will praise the Mighty Bossk!

After that declaration, Zorg informed me he was hungry.  I wisely decided to end the interview as he had alternately been staring at my pet goldfish and my pet cat, licking his scaly lips for some time. 

Will the truth about Bosskís role during the rebellion ever become clear?  Who can say?  But one thing this reporter knows for certain is that Bosskites and the organization known as Bosskís Movement (or B.M. for short) is here to stay. 

This is Fes Malar reporter for the Galactic Times, signing off. 

(And the final words of Zorg...)


TRANDOSHA

Where once there had been joy and celebration, now there was only chaos. Zorg had been shot six times after his galaxy-quaking revelation---undeniable proof that the Mighty Bossk and not Boba Fett was the greatest bounty hunter in the universe, as the Bosskites have always claimed.

The Fettite assassin who killed Zorg was probably lucky---if he hadnít destroyed himself, he would have been torn apart by the thousands of Trandoshans who had gathered to watch Zorgís speech.

As for Zorg himself, he lay in the mud behind the crude, makeshift podium where he had been giving his public address. His scaly hide was ripped open in half a dozen places and his internal organs could be seen inside, struggling to perform. His eyes were unfocused, staring up through the trees into the sky of Trandosha.

The android, TC-1 knelt next to Zorg and assessed the damage. After a moment he shook his head. There was nothing he could do.

The Jedi Knights Kae Caballah and Drex Mar reached out with their enhanced senses and soon came to the same conclusion---Zorg was dying and even the mystical power known as the Force could do nothing to save him.

The crowd of angry Trandoshans pressed in, shouting questions, each wanting to help their dying comrade.

"Back up!" Ash shouted with a seldom used air of command. "Give him some room!"

The crowd sullenly withdrew. Zorgís mate, Hisso pushed her way through them carrying the youngest of Zorgís hatchlings in her arms while the rest of their brood trailed behind.

"Zorg be OK?" Hisso asked TC.

"Based on the trajectory of the bolts and the damage to his internal organs I estimate only a 0.000000001 percent chance that Zorg will survive the---."

"Shut up!" Xam hissed.

Zorg coughed violently, spattering his friends with blood and then lay still. TC did a check of his vital signs then looked up at the others.

"Heís dead," TC said solemnly. The android took off his, or rather Ashís, jacket and drew it over Zorgís head and shoulders as a shroud.

Kae and Drex drew their hoods and folded their arms in their sleeves to mourn their friendís passing. Ash too lowered his head and even the normally stoic Xam wiped away a piece of dirt that had suddenly lodged in her eye.

TC cocked his head to one side. "Strange, I seem to be experiencing a new sensation upon the death of friend Zorg. As far as I can tell I would equate this perception with the human feeling of loss. I---"

Zorgís body jerked and the shroud slid off his face. His eyes fluttered open and he coughed up some more blood.

Xam frowned, casting a baleful glare at TC who sat there looking stunned. The android double checked the
Trandoshanís life signs and quickly came to the same conclusion as before---the Trandoshan was very much dead.

"I donít understa---" he began but Zorg cut him off.

"Zorg not remember eating any Gakk this time," Zorg said.  He coughed again and then groaned in pain. Blood trickled from the side of his toothy mouth.

"Make him conformable at least!" Xam snapped at TC who appeared as flabbergasted as an android could get.

TC propped Zorgís head up on a rock.

"There Zorg, rest now," he said.

"What happen to Zorg?"

Hisso stepped forward, towering over him. "You shot by damn Fettite!" she said.

"Ah," Zorg said. "Damn Fetts. Hisso, it good to see you here."

She knelt down next to him and said, "You good mate, Zorg.  Please no die. Not from damn Fett wound."

Zorg chuckled and coughed some blood onto his mateís face. She absently licked the blood away.

Zorg smiled. "Booboo Fett sent man to kill me, but Booboo canít win. If him kill me, I only become more powerful than he ever imagine."

Kae and Drex exchange worried looks.

"Maybe you should rest, Zorg," Ash said.

"Ah, rest," Zorg said, closed his eyes and lay still.

TC checked his vitals thoroughly and then said, "Heís dead."

Xam frowned. "You sure this time?"

TC opened his mouth to reply but stopped as Zorg stirred once again.

"Rest?" Zorg said. "No, no rest. If Zorg to die, he want to say goodbye to his friends before he go to Holgan."

"Holgan?" Drex asked.

"I believe that is the name of the Trandoshan Heaven," Kae said.

"Oh."

"Where friends?" Zorg asked.

"We are all here Zorg," Kae said.

"Good, good. My friend Jedis. I meet you two first. Zorg glad he meet you. You good friends to Zorg. Drex always make sure Zorg eat good."

Kae nodded. "We are honored to have been in your company Zorg."

"Yes," Drex said with just the hint of a smile, "Our time together has been quite amus---. . .interesting, to say the least."

Zorg nodded and smiled a toothy grin. Then he coughed and then lay still. TC checked Zorgís vitals, then looked to the others and said almost reluctantly, "Heís de---"

"Xam and Ash!" Zorg said. TCís jaw literally fell open.  "You good friends too," Zorg continued. "Ash, you be
careful. Take care of hatchling you carry. Make many, many more. Maybe name one for old friend Zorg."

Zorg weakly waved a clawed hand, motioning for Ash to come closer. Ash leaned down to hear what Zorg had to say.

"I give you all Pudag left on ship" Zorg said. "That Zorgís secret---eat lots of Pudag. It good to keep the Gront up."

Xam coughed. Ashís face paled and he swallowed hard. "Iíll remember that, Zorg. Thank you."

"Tell Itchy Zorg say bye to."

Ash nodded. "I will."

"Fascinating," TC said to no one in particular. "I believe I understand what is happening now. My data banks indicate that several lower life forms, most notably the Corellian wild boar and the wild Gullts of Tantis Bo, have been known to function for some time after their internal organs have ceased to operate. Apparently their brains are so small they do not actually realize they are dead. It is not something I would---"

"Hush!" the others shouted in unison. TC blinked and cleared his throat in indignation.

"TC," Zorg said. "You Zorgís greatest friend. It up to you to keep Bosskís Movement alive when I gone."

"It would be an honor," TC said.

"Also, Kae and Drex good friends. Xam and Ash good friends. Zorg know you be lonely and have no one to talk to when Zorg gone so Zorg give you. . .the Bodega."

An awed hush fell over the Trandoshan crowd.

TC frowned. "Friend Zorg, I am afraid I am unfamiliar with that term."

"The Bodega," Zorg said. "All that Zorg owns. His mate---Hisso. She good listener. You can talk and talk to her. She good mate too. Keep you up all night."

Zorg chuckled, then broke into another fit of coughing, spraying his friends with even more blood.

TC glanced nervously at the hulking Trandoshan female.  Hisso returned his look with a coy smile and a wink as his friends tried hard to suppress their smiles.

"You get Zorgís hatchlings too," Zorg continued. "Only eat them if really hungry. And Zorgís finger bone neckalaces and Wookie pelt trophies, the Bosskís Pride, BSK-2 and the plans for the Zorg Ultimate Fett Killing Weapon all yours now. Zorg also give you his membership in Bounty Hunterís Guild so you can take care of mate and hatchlings since you have no job."

TC frowned. "Friend Zorg, I do not know if my programming will allow---"

"But now," Zorg said, "you and all my friends here must do the Chomchom when Zorg dies."

The others exchanged confused glances, then looked to Kae.

Kae shrugged. "Donít look at me."

"Another Trandoshan term," Ash said. "Itís probably better if we donít ask---"

"Friend Zorg," TC said before anyone could stop him, "Please explain the meaning of this Chomchom you speak of."

Zorg tried to answer, but then groaned in pain.

"It sacred Trandoshan ritual," Hisso said for him. "Zorgís friends and family must eat Zorgís body when he die or else Zorgís spirit never get to blessed Holgan and be at rest."

Zorgís oldest hatchling began gnawing on Zorgís finger. Hisso bonked him on the head and shooed him away. "Not yet!" she said. "Have manners!"

"Ah, Holgan," Zorg said wistfully. "Where Zorg can swim in Pudag all day long and sleep on bed of Rorchek at night.

TC looked worried. "Zorg, I donít know if---"

Zorg cut him off. "Goodbye my friends," he said. He gripped TCís hand with surprising strength. "Make sure after Chomchom, you mount Zorgís head in trophy room on Bossksís Pride so you not forget me!"

"I donít know if---"

Zorg coughed once, twice, then vomited into the androidís lap. As the Trandoshanís eyes glazed over for what proved to be the final time he managed to whisper, "Not. . .a. ..chaaallennnge. . . ."

And so passes Zorg, the Trandoshan, Beloved Mate and Honored Friend. May Bosskís spirit guide him to Holgan where he may at last find peace.